How to Raise a Son

Where are all the men?At first it was a question only whispered while cleaning up the dinner dishes.Then a few years later spoken right aloud in our living room – this time with even greater emphasis.

Now the young lady practically shouts it (or at least tempted to do so!) and her parents are demanding an answer too. As a matter of fact, it’s become a hot topic in a number of Christian circles.  Articles and blog posts all over are asking this same question:

Where are all the men?

I, too, am keenly and personally interested in this question.

Oh, not for myself! I found my own Mr. Right many years ago (or should I say he found me…?).  But I know some amazingly lovely…gifted…godly young women who would very much like to marry, but don’t know where the guys have gone.

It’s like the men have vanished, they tell me.

Yikes! So where have all the men gone??

I honestly don’t know.

While not coming up with any brilliant solutions to the dilemma, I’ve arrived at this one conclusion:  "I’m firmly committed to raising young men who will someday – Lord willing – be a potential Mr. Right for your darling daughter".

Yes, I have big hopes for each one of our little lads.

I desire for him to grow strong and stand tall
To be ready to love and tenderly care for a wife
To courageously and unashamedly serve His Savior
To walk in such a way that you won’t look over him and be left wondering, Where are all the men?

Now obviously his father’s role is essential for reaching manhood.  But what about me? Anything a mama can do to prepare him for this manly calling?

First, I can see him as a man.  Even when he‘s yet a boy.  And there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind, but especially his mind, that’s the way he’s viewed.  Sure, sometimes he’s silly or selfish, but I never want him to feel small. In my eyes, he’s always a big man in the making.

Secondly, I can encourage him to keep pressing forward While not wanting to push him away (love those snuggles and hugs!), I still want to nudge him ahead and not let him hang back and cling to mama.

I’ve noticed that we moms have a tendency to indulge ourselves in the good feeling we get when our little guys need us (we so like to be needed!) and that’s okay in the beginning.  But if we want him to increase in independence and stand on his own feet, then we have to eventually give up those good feelings – for the sake of the man.  And for the sake of his someday wife.

Lastly, he needs to look less to his mama…and increasingly to his earthly father and His heavenly Father too.

I’m rather surprised how often I hear a mom sharing –  no, more like bragging - that her grown-up son still hangs out at home. Or that he continues to call his family every night.  Or, that he calls because he “misses her” so much even after he’s married.Okay.  I love my sons very much. But if one of them ever called to say he “missed me” after he was married…I think I’d hang up on him! I really would.  He can love me – just not “miss his mama”.No, my son’s wife should never have the slightest doubt that she is the ONLY woman in his life. I definitely don’t want him looking back at me; I want him looking forward to her with clear eyes and a pure heart.  I want him to be a man in his own right.

A man ready and prepared to take care of your dear daughter.

So, where are all the men?

Not sure, but hoping, by God’s grace, a few more will be out there by the time we’re done here…In His grace,

Lisa Jacobson (Club 31)